11:52 PM
It feels so weird to be infactuated and in love again. I wasnt so sure that would be possible again, Im not sure if this is even real. Even if its fantasy, Its not over till I say it is, or find out otherwise.
11:21 PM

Transitions

Home Sweet Home.
Whoa! Those words never been more real to me than now. Syracuse put me through so many challenges that I still have yet to overcome and understand. I have come to see myself as stronger than I ever anticipated for being happy with myself, for giving my best academically, for nursing my own broken heart, and accomplishing the short term goals I set for myself. Every break, I discover more about myself and complete another leg of the race. After only 2 semesters there, I feel like I been there an eternity and have grown so much. Each day I continue growing, each heartache makes me stronger, and each fake friend gets cut. Family is the only thing I need around me & there are few people who I can call that. Friends? yes they are important but they have to be chosen wisely, and we all make mistakes. Keeping my mind and eyes open. I'm just happy to be home surrounded by the people who make my world spin, I can let my guard down for a little bit. More soon! xoxo Happy Holidays!
Topics to come:
Friends: What does that really mean?
The Long Awaited: Love Triangle


4:13 PM

Dreams


To see mice or rats in your dream, signifies feelings of doubts, guilt and envy. You are feeling unworthy Something that you are keeping to yourself is eating you up inside. Alternatively, it denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. The dream may also be a pun on someone who is a rat. Are you feeling betrayed?If you reacted with fear towards the mouse in your dream, it is a sign that you let something minor to ruin your peace of mind. Several mice represent small worries and problems which may cause serious damage.
8:44 PM

Wishlist*

1. Cake Batter Confetti Cake from Coldstone Creamery (Happy Birthday to me!)
2. Charms for my Juicy Couture Bracelet
3. Pearl Betsey Johnson Charm Bracelet
4. Long Black Gloves
5. AMERICAN APPAREL GIFT CARD!
8:39 PM

Rolling with the Punches

She's holds it in within her skin

the sin of a man who didn't give a damn

but always lended a hand

to her

Sending mixed signals to a naive individual

slowly converting her into a doll.

A doll that pretended to be perfection

yet let herself be played with

but that by the brown hair on her head

swore she was playing the game right back

but wasn't

she had no idea of it

she was fooling herself.

And as she speaks her tales of misery,

she speaks them hesitantly

for the reader might identify with her story

with that man

her love...


-- From "Copyrights & Trademarks"


Rolling with the Punches

Hall of Languages Room 202

Wed. 12/9/09 7pm

9:59 PM

Misery Buisness

You lean on that Great Wall enjoying what I suffer from
Hiding behind those blue suede shoes you laugh
I cry and thats how the world turns ladies and gentlemen
Im here watching his wildest dreams come true
and none of them involve you, but that does not absolve you
from the sins you commit under God and the principle of loyalty and respect
You are less than my worst and for that I hate thee
and hate, ugh such an ugly emotion that consumes me.
and you? Oblivious. Perhaps Jealous, but definitely enjoying the best of both worlds
Mine and yours. His and Ours.


12:35 AM

Make Wise Choices - Stupak Amendment



Today I opened my email and was informed that there will be a “rally on the quad on Wed., Dec. 2nd between 10:30 Am to 12:30 PM, to show our dissatisfaction for the Stupak Amendment, that if passed will take away abortion rights for women.” Framing is EVERYTHING! When I first read this, I immediately thought that abortion had become illegal in the United States of America, after research and questions I learned other wise. According to Wikipedia, “The amendment prohibits use of Federal funds "to pay for any abortion or to cover any part of the costs of any health plan that includes coverage of abortion" except in cases of rape, incest or danger to the life of the mother,[1] … It also specifically allows individuals to purchase supplementary insurance that covers other abortions.”

I am pro – choice and unfortunately, I will not be able to attend the rally for too long tomorrow. I want to see what others have to say on the issue. I myself, am on the fence with the amendment. It does not take away a woman’s choice, but it does make it more difficult to get one. A problem with teen pregnancy and other unwanted pregnancies often escalate because of the unavailability of abortions. After studying health insurance, I know that many Americans are currently under or uninsured, and adding another charge to the equation might complicate things. I do agree with the exceptions stated in the amendment and the fact that the amendment might cause for more people to be more sexually cautious. I continued to be troubled by the thought and asked my friend Alexandra Volcy, my politically aware friend, what she thought. She said:


“Safe sex is a very controversial issue within America. It's one that is often looked past very, and too quickly. For that reason women and men respectively should take extra care and precaution to avoid unwanted pregnancies. The Stupak-Pitts Amendment solely focuses on abortions by choice, not those dealing with rape, incest, or endangerment to the mother. For that reason I am in full support of the Amendment. This Amendment leaves much room for interpretation. First off, it does not ignore those that STILL want coverage for abortions, it simply states that you must buy supplemental coverage. Just like getting amazing dental health care, that would cover such luxuries as braces, abortion should be treated the same. That was a choice/mistake made by the woman/man involved, and they should see the consequences to the actions. Secondly, according to national surveys only 13% of all abortions are normally billed to private insurance companies. With that said this Amendment may not affect many women, and in fact may help them re-think their actions and responsibilities. Thirdly, those who choose to buy supplemental coverage will omit the stress of having to pay a large sum for an abortion when needed, and will let federal money to take care of it for them. Lastly, this Amendment gives those that are pro-choice and pro-life a law that supports either/or stances, which in a bi-partisan government is truly important.”


No matter what your stance, you are now more aware of what is happening. I know that I had no idea what was going on until I received the email. If you would like to voice your opinion or talk to more people on the issue you can attend the rally tomorrow:


Syracuse University Quad

Wed. December 2, 2009

10:30am – 12:30 pm





1:02 AM
10:11 AM

Deja Vu

The previous post was written on 11/11 /2009 and the crazy thing is that the words couldn't better describe how Im feeling now. The words have come alive and they are more real than ever. But knowing what would come only helped the fall not hurt as much, but it still does. Losing your closet loved one is unbearable. Knowing you will never see that person again, knowing nothing will ever be the same. The dynamic of your world is completely changed forever. You had to die in my heart so you could live in her arms. RIP Loving brother, son, uncle, and friend. Jan. 2007 - Nov 19, 2009.
1:41 AM

Mental breakdown.

I might feel like I'm dying now but this is just a painful recovery.
Suffering withdrawls but I gotta overcome this addiction and these are
just symptoms of a broken heart.

I hurt myself, I had to let you go before you hurt me. It aches. My
heart is torn my throat has knots of unspoken words and unheard crys.
My head pounds to the beat of painful memories. I'm swimming in my
uncried tears gasping for air trying to find a way out of this ocean
of despair. I don't want joint custody that every other weekend arrangement. The memories of a cold winter are melted away by the revealing spring.

7:50 PM

Gravity - Sara Bareilles

There's always a song that explains exactly how you feel...

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
8:34 PM
11:41 AM

Im Cheating.

I lay with you, but Im thinking about him
I kiss you and I wonder what he's doing
I sleep and he is the face I see in my dreams
When we talk I consider the words he would tell me
I completely disregard you and you have no idea
Im in love with another man. I love him whole-heartedly
and you? You I just pretend with. You are my ego-booster
You will never have my heart for it belongs to
the man you are not.
I love the man I THOUGHT you were
and that figment of my imagination is just that - imagination.

12:51 AM

Fool me once, Shame on you

Fool Me twice Shame on ME.

I havent cried this hard in 12 weeks. Since the day I thought I was over you. I let you back in my life, praying that it would be different, knowing that my heart couldnt take anymore hurt, and just like the previous times I was left sitting in the shower drowning in my tears, hoping to drown in the water. Hoping that the water could replace the tears falling out of my eyes and hoping that my soul wouldn't be able to tell the difference. WHY!? Why do you continue to make a fool of me? Why is it so hard for you to care as much as I do, to be as loyal as I am. They say what goes around comes around but I swear I haven't gotten my fair share. My bestfriend tells me "Seriously Emm if he hasnt changed in 2 years or so hes not gonna change babygirl" and the sobs grow, because she just reiterated a fact I've ignored for far too long. So what do I do now? How many times can a person pick up the pieces of their damn heart? How many times can a girl keep giving the benefit of the doubt? How many DAMN times!????

I wish you cried as much as me.
I wish you hurt as painfully as I do.
I wish you had a playlist for days like this.
I wish you constantly were disappointed.
I wish you were in my shoes.
I wish you were HEARTBROKEN.
Then maybe you would think twice before you hurt me.

4:49 PM

New Article!





New Article on my Webpage on Jason Wu and his evolution in Fashion.
3:36 PM

There's Something about Gaga



Genius is often misunderstood, and people aren't appreciated till they are dead and gone. Appreciate the genius that steps out of normalcy and into a solitary confinement of fame & fortune but most importantly to entertain you and me.
4:34 PM

My Racial Testimony

For my intergroup dialouge class I had to write a testimony about race &ethnicity. This is what I had to say.



I am a Hispanic woman. Some call me Latina or Spanish which is fine too. To my understanding I belong to a group of people whose ancestors came from Africa & Europe and spoke Spanish. We have varying skin tones from pale white to the blue black that is my grandfather. Our hair isn’t straight and often frizz is every Latin woman’s complaint. We are a strong hardworking laborious people, our ancestors once farmers and possibly slaves. This is who I am and these are the people I come from.



With race, I have experienced stereotypes or been thrown in certain stereotypes like being loud and talking fast. I have often felt like an outsider when I'm the "minority" in the situation, but I have always been the majority. Coming from a low income neighborhood in the South Bronx, everyone that surrounded me was just like me. We were poor, we were fatherless, drugs were as common as the pigeons flying overhead, people went to jail, they returned, they left again, and that’s how it went. We yelled at each other from across the street, talked fast, grew up faster. We tried to keep up with the urban fashions so we wouldn’t be considered losers. We were stuck in the “hood” and school was our only way out. Spanish or Black we were minorities and were taught the white man rules corporate America, and if we study hard enough and apply ourselves, one day we could be in corporate America too. We could escape the ghetto, we could be like them, but not many of us have left. The children I grew up with have become the drug dealers I observed, the young mothers I pitied, and the cycle continues. I refused to stay. This affects me today because I am constantly on a journey out and away from where I came from. Not forgetting where I came from but knowing that there is better out there. Pride is the main emotion I feel when I think about what influenced my race and ethnicity over time, because although I knew I was a minority somewhere in the world, growing up, I was raised a queen. No one was better, or more beautiful, or more eloquent than I was. As I think back to the streets I came from and how I was able to break the cycle I am proud. Proud of my studies, my work ethic, my drive, all instilled in me by my culture, my race, my Spanish blood. This identity allows me to see the world as opportunity, as a place to thrive and improve. The biggest shock has been college and how I am viewed. I am no longer seen as the queen I was raised to be, here sometimes I feel invisible, invisible to every race including my own. Being Hispanic, I feel like I always have to prove that I'm not "ghetto" or "hood" and often try to be as educated and proper as I can. Sometimes it is annoying to not be able to fully be myself, and have to avoid being categorized and stereotyped. I never want to be judged for where I am from, but at times it seems impossible. Sometimes I don't think it is so much my ethnicity or race that makes me feel this way, but the stereotypes that have been assigned to it and the disadvantages that sometimes come with the label “minority.”



Gender is another identity that is important in the way I see myself. As a woman, you must always be a lady, act a certain way, be responsible for certain things. But what if I don’t want to? What if I hate to shave? What if I rather sit with my legs open and burp in public? What if I don’t want children? Why can’t I have those options, without being judged? Being a woman affects me as a person today because I must always follow a certain guideline on how to be. This annoys me as I think about how the media and just general tradition has translated an image of what a woman is supposed to be over generations and generations. There will always be these fundamental principles that make up a female, these labels of mother, caretaker, cook, maid, companion, and submissive that are applied. I don’t believe we should have to worry about what we wear, and how we look, and how we act simply because of our gender. My home is full of women who proudly wear some of these labels and dismiss others all at the same time. I have been accustomed to never settling no matter what social identity I’m a part of.
10:03 PM

Help me Help you.

So as you may or may not know, I am a Public Relations major at Syracuse University. I want to concentrate on entertainment PR, music to be exact. I'm am conducting research for a project on consumers and how they get their music. Music isn't the same as it was anymore, and as the music industry changes so does the way people consume it. I am intrigued by artists like Drake who gained fame with no management company, no agent, no publicists, and no record deal. What I want to know is why? What do you consider hip-hop? What makes you listen to a song? What catches your attention? Would you go to a website you see on a flyer/newspaper/magazine for a new artist? Does it matter whether or not they are signed? How do you find out about new upcoming artists?

Your help will be greatly appreciated.
9:35 PM

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Its Thursday. Thirsty Thursday depending on your location. If you aren't getting ready for tonight then tomorrow night you will probably be doing this.

A few years ago, this form of dancing would have landed you in jail, with some form of indecency charge or prostitution, but due to the rap videos and what we have been surrounded with in the media it has become the norm. We often talk about the effects that music like hip hop and reggaeton have on women and how they are treated, as well as how women see themselves, but do we ever stop to think of what it does to the kids? The images they see on TV not only do they admire, but they eventually try to imitate. The way we now dance is dry humping in essence, yes it doesnt sound too cute huh? But thats exactly what it is. Just because it is the norm doesnt mean it makes it right. Below is a video that will shock you. Pay attention to where those little hands are, the motions that they are doing, and how the parents respond. Then ask yourself, if you dont feel some kind of way because of it. If you have a little brother or a little sister or a heart at all, something will seem so wrong. Child porn would look like this. I got to 3 minutes and was disgusted.


How do you feel about it?



11:20 AM

Silence

Havent written much lately. Dont know if what I want to say isnt appropriate or isnt relevant. Maybe Im just so busy that I havent found a moment to sit down and dig into my emotions, or at least let them float to the surface. I have been silent, I have been patient, I havent been me. Fading in the "Back to School" rush or maybe just not moving forward fast enough, has my stamina diminshed in the slow summer months? I am satisfied and content, but theres a void, a void that has yet to be filled. What is it? Why is it? Answer me!!!! Speak!!!!!!! and there it goes again... the silence.
12:01 PM

:: Life Update ::

So I'm sitting in Shaw Hall writing this on a disgusting computer ( looking down at the keyboard repulses me with each key click and clatter) but anywho I decided to give you a Life Update: the Back to school Edition. Hmm where to start? Well, the love drama is officially over, well at least I expect it to be. Im extremely happy where I'm at at this point, stress and drama free ( well for the most part). On the school side of things, I started my 19 credit semester, which seems absolutely managable. I currently work for the Daily Orange, our school newspaper, as a designer and the hours are seriously killing me this week, but ill figure something out. I have a second job working for Catering at the Dome, so if you are ever at a football or basketball game you just might see me. Tomorrow is my first official practice for Creations Dance Company and I'm estatic, my muscles arent too thrilled, they now have to wake from their dormant state. Having my own apartment is awesome! I decorated it so simple yet cute ( I'll put up pics soon), and I cook! Woooo yes we thought it could be done but I have got it together! aooowww! Snap if you hear me! :: snap snap snap :: ok well thats it for now I guess. Off to class. xoxo
9:44 PM

J.Peguero


J.Peguero; art director for Redline Media Group and upcoming rapper. What a combination right? An upcoming rapper and he has a real job!? Yes, believe it. Although pursuing his music career out of somewhere other than his basement, he still manages to work full -time. Born in Dominican Republic and raised in Brooklyn, the boy has swagg. He recently granted me a brief interview, just so people know the man behind the music.

[More]

12:29 AM

Goodbyes & Hellos

People come and go. Its life but Im not ready to let go of you just yet. You were the hardest goodbye and the bitterest See you later, but later isnt soon enough. My laughter is complete with yours, my day's agenda has a permanent place with your name on it after 5pm. My evenings belong to you. That summer fling, the little things, must have become more, because the tears are still slowly flowing, my infatuation keeps growing and so does the distance. The most beautiful thing is that someone like you fell for someone like me, I deserve you and I didnt want to have to give it up. Maybe you will stumble across this, and realize that this girls heart was yours all along.

As I say Goodbye I wave hello to a new year, a fresh start, and the greatest of opportunities. The nonsense has been flushed down the toilet. Its my time, check the clock.
12:05 AM

Unforgettable Memory

I left behind everything I ever wanted because I finally remembered who I was. I forgot myself while trying to please a selfish man, and now that I remember Emmelie, Im slowing forgetting you.. well at least I'll try.

12:01 AM

Treasure on the Left

Those who hide their feelings are afraid of getting hurt, and those who fear that pain have the deepest feelings. I am exhibit A. I know exactly what my heart is capable of feeling, but I protect it behind bars, for fear of what I might come across. 3 times I've had to piece it back together, which means 3 times it was broken and each time more pieces were lost. This time, I broke my own heart, because I will no longer leave that task to a man. Now I trust my intuition, for my heart has already failed me. Bitterness is my defense mechanism, anger and complaints are the guards to the prison and stubbornness keeps the distance, no man shall ever come close to the treasure on the left.
11:53 PM

Arnold Jean Rodriguez


'Insides'

Mirror an inner I seen in her though I'll never tell for I'm lost in a gamble like a vegas sinner. And she used to the date the winners and lose thinking was he really in her, and I tell her that he was wrong but I'm always scared to press enter so I just escape and later on tell her my connection failed.ha


'you'

I could say more though are the shores of who you really are ever sure for all these waters ever pure? I remember when I was drowning you said in the mist of it I'd find a door and that'll be who you are. Really it's like the past we so stuck on and I know Im doing good but my lucks gone. And I know I could tell you all these but it sucks when your loves all.. and I could never finish it and If I ever I would just enter it like I just want to know you. Though it's like I see so much in you what is there to show you, when your looking at me like another man trying to know you. And it's like I know you but if I knew you I would of told you that I'm sure about you.


My dear friend wrote me these subtle love letters, as I call them, to remind me that not every man has a malnourished mind, whose nutrition is the constant absorption of female flesh.




This is him, and some of the little things he's done for me.








2:23 AM

Sick & Tired



So this past week has mostly been spent in my bed sick. I was not a happy camper. In the midst of it all I got an unexpected visit, while my help was already on the way. I spoke to old friends and saw my education almost slip out of my hands. Too much has happened in so little time. One volume closed, another one opened. So I've come to the realization that the only person that can make me feel inferior is myself. The only illusion to deceive me is failure, and the only reason I should hurt is physical pain. My love is far too precious to be overlooked and my undying loyalty is not something to take advantage of. Once I've made up my mind there's no changing it, I remain the same stubborn girl you once met. & as precious as I am, I have never been a fool, because my intuition is one of the greatest gifts I was blessed with. With that said, See you soon.


5:58 PM

Chasing impossible Dreams



What do you perceive as beautiful? The pictures we are surrounded by and see everyday are not real images. Women constantly chase an ideal that doesn't exist, and men desire an impossible woman. So how will we ever be satisfied, if the bar has been raised too far above the humanly possible? We as a society must learn to see beautiful people as they are, without the makeup, with short lashes, under eye circles, oily skin, acne, natural hair, and the body they have been assigned. If we continue to try to alter what we are given, nothing will make us unique.
12:16 AM

Your Epiphany

So now you want me back? Finally realized what you had, and seen what you are missing. By my side is the best place you can be, I promise and I guarantee. Nobody will ever touch you like I did, no one compares to who I was to you, and now you want to come back, because you've seen what I've been saying all along. So you had an epiphany, a moment of enlightenment, and I am now the only one you want. I should have been the only one you wanted for 3.5 years, but you were busy with others my dear. and now? Could it be too late? Have I become something too far out of your grasp, like an impossible dream, an empty promise, am I ever going to be true? My choice has been made and my thoughts interrupted, by you. Break-up to Make-up that stage is over and through. Im bigger than that, don't have the time to play back and forth, because forward is the only direction I'm advancing to. Now you might want to walk beside me, but only my shadow can stand the thought and sight of you.
3:00 PM

My swagga be from Maui!

"Raised in the pro-jects roaches and rats"- thats where Sonia Sotomayor is from: Bronxdale Housing Projects. From the borough of the Bronx, Sotomayor has become the 1st Hispanic to be an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. She exemplifies hard work, determination, and change. As a woman of a minority group and a fellow Hispanic, I can say that I am truely proud to see where our country is going, and optimistic about what may lie ahead. The opportunities are endless. Minorities are no longer minor, just in number but not in heart.
1:58 AM

Diamonds are Forever


Diamonds are very much like strong women. They can only be formed under extreme conditions: Heat and pressure. The most beautiful and precious of women are those who have endured, who below the surface have experienced the hottest heat and the most suffocating of pressures. Diamonds are survivors; as are many women, but the superficial glamour decreases that acknowledgement, and they are just an embedded stone, a decoration for jewelry, a trophy for a man. Know your self-worth ladies, because diamonds are often mistaken for silly rhinestones. Similar to the eye, they deceive the onlooker with its luster, but diamonds are timeless, they are forever. Strong women we are few, What are you doing to empower not only yourself but others?


6:01 PM

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to avoid something; it happens. & sometimes no matter how much you try to protect yourself, you end up more vulnerable than you have ever been.
11:18 PM

Through the Mirror


(picture by yours truely =] )
Looking in a mirror and I see myself, my reflection and the evidence of my experiences. This month I have truely learned that love beauty and happiness come in the most unexpected of packages. :-) Life's sunsets are hard to deal with but sunrises come soon after, and remember, those are the times when its most beautiful. Through the mirror, I see where I was and what Im leaving behind. Through the mirror I persevered.

Stress free is the way to live, listen to what your mind is telling you and what your heart often fails to comprehend. Being treated how YOU want to be treated should be your ultimate goal, so surround yourself with people who have that respect for you. Raised like a princess, I expect to be treated like one, I dont know if thats a problem or the solution;; either way, I'm enjoying the equation.
10:00 PM

Broken Rules


Some were just made to be broken.




Make him miss you sometimes when a man always know where you are and your always readily available to him- he takes u for granted.

Dating is fun even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE u a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.

You need time to heal between relationships, there is nothing cute about baggage. deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two-way street.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating u as u deserve then heck no, u cant be friends. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Some to Remember. (He's Just Not that Into You)

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves.

Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.

He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you Rather than the the far greater expectation of a boyfriend Hes got the ultimate situation a great friend w/ all the benefits of a girlfriend
3:20 PM

Wise words from a Decent man

If the one thing you cared about more than anything else in the world was threatened or even taken from you, if you knew that the people you cared for the most you had to disappoint and it was your fault... and this didn't spark some kind of emotional outbreak within you...then with no shame I'll say you are truly a stronger man than I. - Neyo

2:59 PM

Fake is another form of ugly.

The people who you surround yourself with are the people that mold your persona, your image, the way the world sees you. Thats why I don't believe in ugly. Ugly people inside or out have no place in my aura. I surround myself with success,loyalty, passion, motivation, beauty, and love. Those are the people who I associate with, those are the things I want in my life & I will not settle. I will not lose. I will not fail. So either you come along for the ride, or become a simple bystander of my climb to the top. Either way, I'll get there with all the baggage I come with. Because carrying it made me stronger and when I drop it from the top, the impact will be much greater. Understand my analogy, open your mind.
11:41 PM

Aspirations

Friend: we have only one life to live and as much as it seems so much goes into play we forget that we create so much of it, if there's something that you want if you love it enough you'll get it
Friend: with me it's as if my dreams have been on repeat I need more from life I need to get myself out there, I need that happiness I feel that's my success
llshesadollll: I just got a mini blog post thought
llshesadollll: Here goes.. Ima freestyle on the IM lol
llshesadollll:

Seems so far away from you So far from your grasp you watch him live the life you created, and anxiety captures your spirit. You feel it at your finger tips in your heart the blueprint is perfectly mapped out in your mind. You see the man, he looks familiar. Now take a step back and study the facial features. That man you aspire to be is you.

... Friend:
I'm a word you heard and sometimes you listen to and at times you we're this sentence and I felt I fit in you. And we never talk we never say too much but I seen more in you. And I don't know your past and love never showed me your last,and I know I there was more to you then what I'm seeing in this glass and Im lost thinking maybe I'll never know you with all this time that past.

Surround yourself with people who share your same desire to succeed & failure wont come near.

5:48 PM

Heavy Hearted

Letting go is the hardest thing to do when you are in love, but what is there to hold on to, when your hand sways alone as you walk, & your ears have not experienced the sounds of delight, and your heart is being weighed down by negligence and insecurity? My dearest friend and my beautiful heart, see and accept what has been right before your eyes for so much time, because unrequited love is the love that helps the heart to grow stronger and fuller for someone else. But if you don't let go how can you carry the weight that rests upon your shoulders?

Song of the day: Time- Neyo
3:12 PM

THAT Girl.

This will send chills ladies.

1:44 PM

Will Smith on Jada

Once you feel someone locked in on you, it's no contest. This is it. I can't imagine what anyone else would offer."

Ever felt like that?
12:10 AM

Demons

Every night something eats away at my insides and keeps me from a peaceful sleep, the pathetic excuse for rest that I endure gets me by. There are demons inside of me that have long been awaiting to come out and now they are sprawled out there on the table like a bluffing hand of cards staring back at me, patiently waitng till my temptation allows them to play. But this time I see them for the demons they are and not the angels they pretended to be. In the shadow it was hard to tell. But I'm the girl who is insecure, the girl who is jealous ,the one who constantly hurts and it's out there now for all to know. The demons are now in the light and will be addressed as such. My demons kept me from living, they were the harness that dipped me low enough into reality to be a part of it but hovered me directly over the line of sanity and I have fallen. The harness no longer holds me but I have been dropped into the painful realization that life isn't always what we want it to be, that people will not always remain by your side, and that love is what you make of it. I had skeletons in my closet and along with those Demons they have fallen out to be buried.
9:14 PM

Why Women Should Sit Back Relax & Enjoy the Show

Wow it feels like an eternity stands between me and "Copyrights & Trademarks." My job/intership has consumed me and I feel like the only time I have to write is spent sleeping. -_- Due to a conversation I had with one of my bestfriends today, I realized that women are really all paranoid about similar things sometimes and that Im not the only one, which is a huge relief. I really thought I was in need of therapy but here goes my take on paranoia.

Men:
There are some simple rules you should follow for smooth sailing.
1. Call when you're supposed to! If you say you are gonna call back/ or later do so. Trust me we are expecting the follow up.

2. Make us feel special. We dont like to feel like the next chick. Adore us and we are happy.

3. Lastly and most importantly: WE are always right. thee end.

Now for the real reason Im writing. We all at some point feel the weight of insecurity tug at our hearts. Now, nagging seems quite obselete because all it does is annoy both parties. Him because he has to hear it, and us because he doesnt listen to it. So do everyone a favor and just keep the nagging to yourself unless you are ACTUALLY going to do something about it. Half-assed ultimatums dont really get anything accomplished.

When it comes to worrying about other girls, DONT. He is still with you for a reason. Focus on making him happy because if he is a good man he wont stray unless provoked. Yes, I know you must be thinking WTF its not all about him, but then again isnt love about making that special someone happy? ok then. If you are constantly acting like a psycho the only confession you are gonna get is that he cant be in a relationship with you anymore. As Joe Budden said: the worst thing to do to an innocent man is accuse him.

Looking through their phones. Stop it right there. If you seek, prepare to find, and that your heart can take it. In connection to point 1, dont go looking for evidence you arent going to use to convict the defendant. If you look through his phone, find something you dont like, and do nothing about it, then that was a waste of time now wasnt it? Same thing applies to any other personal communication tools such as facebook and myspace. You will only end up aggravaited.

and the big one: If he doesnt call back, answer the phone or text quickly or seems to have disappeared odds are they are a) sleeping b) away from their phone c) playing some kind of game or sport. I know we automatically think they are up to something, but unlike many of us, alot of men arent as attached to their phones as we would like, and yes they actually forget about us sometimes. They really do lay in bed all day and not call us and think it is ok. Dont start freaking out, but if this becomes a habit and you seem to be an option rather than a priority... then you might want to look into another relationship.


Thats all I have for right now, since work awaits me. Part II coming soon.
If you like my blog, please do not hesitate to comment or tell me so. It is appreciated, and to all those who have, thank you! It means a lot to know that people are actually keeping up with my writing. Drop a comment, become a follower, anything! its all love.

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12:08 PM

Quote

Real recognizes real, and you aren't looking too familiar - Emmelie.
2:33 PM

Copyrights and Trademarks

She's holds it in within her skin the sin of a man who didn't give a damn
but always lended a hand 
to her
Sending mixed signals to a naive individual 
slowly converting her into a doll. 
A doll that pretended to be perfection 
yet let herself be played with 
but that by the brown hair on her head 
swore she was playing the game right back
but wasn't 
she had no idea of it 
she was fooling herself. 
And as she speaks her tales of misery, 
she speaks them hesitantly 
for the reader might identify with her story
with that man 
and her words might be adopted, stolen ,copied
and she's left with a photocopy 
of what she wrote in her hand. 
The tales she speaks have no time or place, 
they are things her mind has tried to erase and replace 
and they still stand right in front of her face
but she looks past. 
She looks past the glass and smoke and stories
past the people who stood before thee
and swore on her life that her heart which fell apart 
she would start
to defend 
to the bitterest end. 
But her words are the publics
because she knows she's worthy of the Pulitz
-er prize and I despise
those deceitful eyes
that try to take what's mine, 
but take it 
because you can never have the mind 
to refine 
this doll's realities.
10:53 PM

Optimism

"The harder it is the greater it is at the end."

While I breathe, I shall forever hope, because if I'm breathing, it means I'm living and if I'm alive, I can change any circumstance. My optimism is my gift and my curse.
Am I optimistic or just a fool? 
4:57 PM

The Last Lecture

We were supposed to be together through thick and thin
Well shxt got thick and instead you end.

One of the greatests books I have ever read is The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. He is a professor at Carnegie- Mellon and is asked to give his last lecture of the semester, ironically, it would be the last one of his life. Randy was diagnosed with terminal cancer and only had a few months to live. He would be leaving behind a wife and 3 young children: 2 sons ages 5 & 2 and a 1 year old daughter. My heart absolutely melted and I fell to tears as this man goes through his final attempt to leave behind the lessons he will never be able to teach his children. He wanted to teach his sons how to be good men and husbands, his daughter how to mature into a strong caring woman, and most of all he wanted to teach his children how to fufill the dreams, he himself would not be able to help come true. Instead of giving his lecture about dying, he lectured on living: how to live a happy and fufilling life. He spoke about enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment, and the importance of overcoming obstacles.
As I sat down to write this, I had every intention of spilling out all my bitterness onto the page, but after reminding myself of Randy's lecture, I smile, because I am simply living an obstacle that shortly I shall overcome. Instead, there are some parts of the book that taught me lessons, and I have to remind myself of what those were.

1. "The brick walls are there to stop the people who dont want it badly enough.They're there to stop the other people."
We all have brick walls: insecurites, tempers, immaturity, bad choices, stupid actions: they are all things that hold us back from happiness and alot of times from other people. The trick to the wall is, that genuine people are the ones that instead of walking away from the brick wall, find a way to knock it down, because the person inside is that valuable. When you hit a brick wall, dont give up or end your journey, patiently find your way through it.

2. "Not everything needs to be fixed."
Problems arise, but if whatever it is still serves its purpose then theres no need to try to fix it. Dont get a new car just because its dented, dont quit your job becaue the commute is a hassle, dont end a relationship because certain problems cant be fixed. If its serving the purpose then just go with it.

3. "No matter how bad things are you can always make things worse. At the same time, it is often within your power to make them better."
Remember theres always something worse that can happen, so dont pout, and overcome the obstacle and make it better.

4. "Time must be explicity managed like money."
Ask yourself if you are spending your time on the right things. If you are chasing your dreams at every opportunity and if the dream is even worth pursing.

5. "When putting people on the moon, you're inspiring all of us to achieve the maximum of human potential, which is how our greatest problems will eventually be solved."
Not settling and reaching your highest potential is how solutions are found, when a team of doctors reach their highest potential there will be a cure for AIDS, when Sex education reaches its highest potential, abortion will be unnecessary. When you reach your highest potential, your wildest dreams come true.

6. "Complaining does not work as a strategy."
Any time spent complaining doesnt make you happier. Apply the energy spent complaining to a solution and I promise there will no longer be a problem.

7. "Treat the disease, not the symptoms"

8. "If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting it will come out."
I lived by this the past couple of months. I kept reminding myself to patiently wait things out, because usually the storm passes. Patience will be both appreciated and rewarded.

9. "Experience is what you get when you didnt get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer."
Learn from your mistakes, because with experience, what lies ahead becomes a lot easier.

10. "Frustrated masses ,yearning for simplicity"
Dont over-complicate things. Simple is better.

11. "Loyalty is a two- way street."
Cant expect respect if you arent worthy of it.

12. "Work Hard"
Those words are how you will become more efficient, more able, and sometimes happier. Hard work is the key to success and even how couples stay together.

13. Apologizing 101: " Bad apologies are worse than no apology."
1. What I did was wrong.
2. I feel badly I hurt you.
3. How do I make it better?


The Last Lecture isnt just a book, its sort of like a manual for living, told by a person who is dying. Weird right? But it serves as a concious reminder of the lessons we often forget we have learned.

WATCH the Last Lecture, if your a lazy body and dont read.
I shall warn you its about an hr long... but a good time.
To learn more visit: http://www.thelastlecture.com/
11:23 PM

On the Bookshelf

"I dont want to wake up and you realize that you are in love with someone else. You say I'm always worried about tomorrow and should worry about the present and I do, because you are my present, a gift, and I see you in my future called tomorrow. I see my future in your eyes, I just dont want to learn that those eyes are made of glass and fooled me by reflecting what I wanted to see and tricked me into thinking they could see what I do. I dont want those unseeing eyes to be a part of a body that carries a torn and confused heart. Everytime I start to play the role of Peyton, a prop reminds me that Im Lindsey, and that the comet that gave your life meaning isnt me. " She then turned and walked out of his life, knowing that what happened by the comet so many years earlier, had not died, and wouldnt.

Lucas never took the time to let her get comfortable with his past, never took the time to explain, but he didnt have too, because the only thing to explain was his love for another woman. In every house there lies an epic love story, a book, a movie, something that tells the tale of true love but this story didnt end in happily ever after, in fact it hadnt ended. And on the bookshelf, layed the novel that Lindsey had started to edit for Lucas, and couldnt finish because she was just a supporting character in someone else's love story.
12:11 PM
"The thing about love is that once you find it, you swear it will be there forever.. Unfortunately, it is the hardest thing to hold on to, the easiest thing to lose, and the biggest life changing and self reflecting phenomenon you could experiernce."
Now the thing with true love, that bond between HiM* and her, takes time to grow and nurture. There's something that holds them together, a spark, a flame, an eternal bond.
Exactly one month ago, I wrote the "Happy Birthday" poem feeling more agony than I was feeling happiness. Having such a unique person in your life that you arent able to call your own. You see I'm in love with my bestfriend, and I dont think he understands that. You know those moments that take your breath away? Well around him I have to gasp for air, because everything about love is breath-taking.
12:12 AM

Loyalty

"You dont get the picture? the picture's in his wallet" -___-

Loyalty means devotion, dependent, and honest to one person or thing. Thats my favorite word and thats all I ask from every single person that crosses my path. Loyalty means to have my back, to tell me the truth at all times, and for things to be equal.

I hate to be lied to. I hate to be taken for a fool. I observe and I know. I seek and I find. Drunken minds speak sober thoughts and those drunken actions confirmed sober desires. I dont know what to feel. I want to let go, start over new, but Im terrified of losing the person I have loved the most. But is it really love? When another lies in your wallet, when things are not fair, when Im the one that stays up crying? Love isnt easy but love can not possibly be this, at least not genuine long lasting love. Im told that Im crazy, that my insecurities are the drug that cause me to hallucinate and to over-react. Tired of the bullshit? I just want the truth. All my questions answered all my doubts erased. And each day they burn brighter. I know my worth, but do you? that you choose to pick them over me? What happened to loyalty? I said that I would leave the past in the past and I remain silent. I hold it in, and grasp every single opportunity to take out my silent frustrations. That may not be the solution to our ultimate problem, but I keep my word, because when its all said and done ill know that I was Loyal. I kept my word, and I never lied. Sometimes I would rather be lied to, but when it comes to love, kill me with the truth.
8:19 PM
For once, Im speechless, at a loss for words, cant explain anything.
For once, I have fallen silent.
1:03 AM

Renewed broken Promise

"I may not be his first, his last, or his only. He's cared about someone else before me and possibly will again, but he cares for me now, and that's all that matters. I dont expect him to be perfect, because I know I'm flawed as well. And it's true, he may not think of me every second of everyday and I may not be the center of his universe but he gave me a part of him that he knows I can break. So I wont hurt him, or try to change him and I won't expect more than I know he can give.
My only promise is that I will smile when he makes me happy, yell when he makes me mad, miss him when he's not there, and love him like he'll never break my heart."
12:17 AM

Soulmate

The original roots of the concept go back to a belief in reincarnation. A soulmate is someone that you have encountered in many different life times and have loved many times. That’s why the first time you meet them in this lifetime you feel as if you have known them forever before you even knew their name. There is a mystical deja vu energy right from the start.[1]
One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them. Over countless reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate. [Wikipedia]
Each half is supposed to learn the life lessons at their own pace. When the two halves sometimes cross paths during various lifetimes, they have a cosmic powerful bond because they really are of the same soul. They complete each other. They are often very much alike, and the intensity of the connection is too much for a mere human with emotions and issues to handle, so they painfully end up parting ways. When they both finish their lessons, they are both reunited in heaven and come together as a beautiful representation of love and unity. This is also known as your twin flame.[1]
Loving a soulmate or twin flame is often difficult because we are not usually able to love and accept ourselves, so why would we be able to love the other half of our own soul? Soulmates can be deeply psychically connected with amazing love at first sight stories that end in magical happily ever after scenarios. Unfortunately, we are not usually evolved enough to handle something so intense as another person sharing our deepest soul level. Older souls that have many lifetimes of lessons and enlightenment under their belts have an easier time accepting such a deep connection with another person.[1]
From my readings, in recent times, the word soulmate has been used to describe a close companion or someone you get along well with. Either case, the true definition of the word lies in who and what you believe in.

My definition:
Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longing, our sense of direction. When we're two and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.


Source [1]: Full Article
12:14 AM

Random things from my FB Note

25 Random things Post:

1. i collect charm bracelets (when the cash flow allows)

2. I love Betsey Johnson & Juicy Couture

3. Mexican Food is God's heaven on earth

4. I am very very very sensitive.

5. Im a clown on the low low or with people im comfortable with

6. I secretly want to be a white sorority girl.

7. I MUST get all A's or else..

8. I have bad mood swings. (often)

9. I write alot, speaking isnt really successful on my part

10. My accent ANNOYS me.

11. I lived in DR till I was 5, hence #10

12. I had surgery done on my belly button, which is why it doesnt look like everyone elses, and i got it pierced to cover it, because it bothers me.

13. Im going to look into Ballroom Dancing at SU. lol

14. [inside joke]

15. I spend alot of time alone.

16. [inside joke]

17. I love the beach. its my 2nd favorite place in the world.

18. My soulmate is the most incredible person I have EVER met. i <3 him

19. VII is my life, my new favorite number, the best girls in the world. no comparison

20. i believe I have found the man Im goin to marry, although he opposes most of the time.

21. Valentines day is my favorite holiday, along with my birthday. I hate X-Mas.

22. Girls dont usually like me for some apparent reason. ::shrugs::

23. ESPN should hire me pronto!

24. [inside joke]

25. I have a stomach grumbling problem.
10:17 PM

Life with Superman

Life with Superman is alot more laid back than you think. Most days, we just cuddle in bed, watching countless hours of SportsCenter, Around the Horn, Jim Rome is Burning, Pardon the Interruption.. yea ESPN basically. He loves baseball (Arod mostly), and if it wasnt for the kryptonite that lies in his left eye, basketball would be his life. If not ESPN or MY personal hobby: eating =] we are probably laughing and having a great time- thats just what bestfriends do. His Lois Lane I truely am, because beside every great man stands a strong woman. He has superhuman* strength, whenever I needed him, he was there to hold my world on his shoulders and keep it from collapsing. I reflect on those hard times that he mysteriously made his presence felt, He really is faster than a speeding bullet, and stronger than a locomotive. Now sitting here, writing about all his superpowers is quite impossible, since he doesnt cease to amaze me daily, and with him, there is an eternal smile on my face, & that right there is the most amazing feat.


"If I wrote a book about where we stand,
then the title of my book would be life with Superman
that´s how you make me feel, I count you as a privilege
this love is so ideal, I´m honored to be in it, I know you feel
the same, I see it everyday, in all the things you do, and all the things you say"
- Roc_Beyonce
1:37 AM

Life is too short

The best things in life are shared with those you love. Think about it..the times you have laughed the hardest, had the most fun, ate the best dinners, lived the greatest moments,who was around you? Ponder let it sit, and then wonder how people go unappreciated in this world when they give us so much. So act right!

Little blog of the day lol <3

11:26 PM

In the master bedroom

That's where it all happened where it started and where it ended, you making love to me. Between the sheets we quickly laid; I emersed myself in you and never for one second held back. You took so much from me, my virginity, my innocence, my heart. It wasn't immediate but gradual is not the word. In a month you had my body and in 7 years my friendship and trust and in a short 3 my soul. It's crazy how other people walk in this bedroom and see pictures of us on the walls. Pictures of us happy and complete, but in the background of those pictures of all our years stand different women observing from a far and always having a small fraction of what I once thought was completely mine. But by deeply looking in those frames I clearly see the bigger picture and in it we stand apart. If sheets could speak they would tell the most beautiful love stories if my skin had a voice it would sing glorious harmonies of perfection, but now my eyes and ears must speak the truth they have long ignored and masked. No one is perfect but at one point in time you were. On the dresser stood the dried dead flowers of Feb the 12th, clearly something gone that I was constanly trying to preserve and a few days ago I threw them away because what they represented with them was also throw away. But I carry you around in the most sacred of places in my heart in my tears in my being. Truely my other half my perfect counterpart that no amount of time will ever be able to replace. Love is slowly fading and hopefully one day this love inside me shall die so our friendship can begin to live because both cannot coexist. Either way you were the first, when I whispered in your ear I love you,as I lay beneath your body, I let every ounce of my being fall within those words. You say I had the best of you but you had ALL of me and I now walk out of this bedroom and close the door behind me.
10:57 PM

::Life Update::

"Its called [the past] cause Im getting passed and I aint nothing like I was before, you oughta see me now. Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned...My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned" A. Keys

Home Sweet Home. Ahh feels good, but its a bittersweet feeling because there is a lot of Syracuse I miss. I wonder what the beautiful months of summer shall hold for a simple porcelain piece like me. I made my to - do list today and God-Willing it shall all be checked off by the time I head back to the 'Cuse. I cant help but to think about the future and what it holds. I hate that about myself, that I overanalyze everything. Always want to know absolutely everything about everything. Ugh -_- I really need to learn to live in the moment, because sometimes life just passes me by. Other than that, I have been all smiles, history seems to be slowly repeating itself. Haha who would of thought. Sigh* ::chessy smile:: some people just make things so much better. Hopefully I will be able to elaborate on that a little later. :-x
Im just so excited about life, ugh I wish I could put it into words. These past weeks I had an "I dont give a f*ck" attitude about everything, and that was a horrible way to feel, but Im back and better than ever, with a newly instilled passion and drive. I have so much to look forward to. In the fall, I will be a part of Creations Dance Company at Syracuse University, not only as a dancer but as Public Relations Chair, yes yes first year and already on the Executive board. Luck really is where preparation meets opportunity. and that is exhibit A. Second, I was selected to be a part of the Fashion and Beauty Communications Milestone, learning fashion;; enough said. Third, I will finally start my PR classes, which I have been dying to do, so I can land the perfect internship for next summer. Whoa, Im getting way ahead of myself here, lemme focus on the present. Summer 09, oh how I'll love you so, because with you good things shall come, this within my heart I know. 

1:01 PM

Reflection

Laughter is the medicine of the soul, so I'm basically immune to
despair. - Emmelie

College has got to be the best thing that happened to me after being
given life. I have met many new people some as close as family. No
one was replaced additions were just made. New bonds made, necessary ones broken, and old ones strengthened. In college I have lived the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Lost, found, and recreated myself. Found a passion for something new, felt a new responsibility to illicit social change, and learned the true meaning of loyalty. I've learned that I can't control everything around me but God granted me the serenity to have the courage to change what I can. I have observed and my intuition has not failed me. I have eyes to look past the exterior and into someone's heart. Extreme claim right? But real recognizes real. My character was tested, built, wrecked, and now I wipe off the ashes and look down. Because I have risen, I'm at the top of the hill, I have grown, I have been made a WOMAN.