10:53 PM

Optimism

"The harder it is the greater it is at the end."

While I breathe, I shall forever hope, because if I'm breathing, it means I'm living and if I'm alive, I can change any circumstance. My optimism is my gift and my curse.
Am I optimistic or just a fool? 
4:57 PM

The Last Lecture

We were supposed to be together through thick and thin
Well shxt got thick and instead you end.

One of the greatests books I have ever read is The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. He is a professor at Carnegie- Mellon and is asked to give his last lecture of the semester, ironically, it would be the last one of his life. Randy was diagnosed with terminal cancer and only had a few months to live. He would be leaving behind a wife and 3 young children: 2 sons ages 5 & 2 and a 1 year old daughter. My heart absolutely melted and I fell to tears as this man goes through his final attempt to leave behind the lessons he will never be able to teach his children. He wanted to teach his sons how to be good men and husbands, his daughter how to mature into a strong caring woman, and most of all he wanted to teach his children how to fufill the dreams, he himself would not be able to help come true. Instead of giving his lecture about dying, he lectured on living: how to live a happy and fufilling life. He spoke about enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment, and the importance of overcoming obstacles.
As I sat down to write this, I had every intention of spilling out all my bitterness onto the page, but after reminding myself of Randy's lecture, I smile, because I am simply living an obstacle that shortly I shall overcome. Instead, there are some parts of the book that taught me lessons, and I have to remind myself of what those were.

1. "The brick walls are there to stop the people who dont want it badly enough.They're there to stop the other people."
We all have brick walls: insecurites, tempers, immaturity, bad choices, stupid actions: they are all things that hold us back from happiness and alot of times from other people. The trick to the wall is, that genuine people are the ones that instead of walking away from the brick wall, find a way to knock it down, because the person inside is that valuable. When you hit a brick wall, dont give up or end your journey, patiently find your way through it.

2. "Not everything needs to be fixed."
Problems arise, but if whatever it is still serves its purpose then theres no need to try to fix it. Dont get a new car just because its dented, dont quit your job becaue the commute is a hassle, dont end a relationship because certain problems cant be fixed. If its serving the purpose then just go with it.

3. "No matter how bad things are you can always make things worse. At the same time, it is often within your power to make them better."
Remember theres always something worse that can happen, so dont pout, and overcome the obstacle and make it better.

4. "Time must be explicity managed like money."
Ask yourself if you are spending your time on the right things. If you are chasing your dreams at every opportunity and if the dream is even worth pursing.

5. "When putting people on the moon, you're inspiring all of us to achieve the maximum of human potential, which is how our greatest problems will eventually be solved."
Not settling and reaching your highest potential is how solutions are found, when a team of doctors reach their highest potential there will be a cure for AIDS, when Sex education reaches its highest potential, abortion will be unnecessary. When you reach your highest potential, your wildest dreams come true.

6. "Complaining does not work as a strategy."
Any time spent complaining doesnt make you happier. Apply the energy spent complaining to a solution and I promise there will no longer be a problem.

7. "Treat the disease, not the symptoms"

8. "If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting it will come out."
I lived by this the past couple of months. I kept reminding myself to patiently wait things out, because usually the storm passes. Patience will be both appreciated and rewarded.

9. "Experience is what you get when you didnt get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer."
Learn from your mistakes, because with experience, what lies ahead becomes a lot easier.

10. "Frustrated masses ,yearning for simplicity"
Dont over-complicate things. Simple is better.

11. "Loyalty is a two- way street."
Cant expect respect if you arent worthy of it.

12. "Work Hard"
Those words are how you will become more efficient, more able, and sometimes happier. Hard work is the key to success and even how couples stay together.

13. Apologizing 101: " Bad apologies are worse than no apology."
1. What I did was wrong.
2. I feel badly I hurt you.
3. How do I make it better?


The Last Lecture isnt just a book, its sort of like a manual for living, told by a person who is dying. Weird right? But it serves as a concious reminder of the lessons we often forget we have learned.

WATCH the Last Lecture, if your a lazy body and dont read.
I shall warn you its about an hr long... but a good time.
To learn more visit: http://www.thelastlecture.com/
11:23 PM

On the Bookshelf

"I dont want to wake up and you realize that you are in love with someone else. You say I'm always worried about tomorrow and should worry about the present and I do, because you are my present, a gift, and I see you in my future called tomorrow. I see my future in your eyes, I just dont want to learn that those eyes are made of glass and fooled me by reflecting what I wanted to see and tricked me into thinking they could see what I do. I dont want those unseeing eyes to be a part of a body that carries a torn and confused heart. Everytime I start to play the role of Peyton, a prop reminds me that Im Lindsey, and that the comet that gave your life meaning isnt me. " She then turned and walked out of his life, knowing that what happened by the comet so many years earlier, had not died, and wouldnt.

Lucas never took the time to let her get comfortable with his past, never took the time to explain, but he didnt have too, because the only thing to explain was his love for another woman. In every house there lies an epic love story, a book, a movie, something that tells the tale of true love but this story didnt end in happily ever after, in fact it hadnt ended. And on the bookshelf, layed the novel that Lindsey had started to edit for Lucas, and couldnt finish because she was just a supporting character in someone else's love story.
12:11 PM
"The thing about love is that once you find it, you swear it will be there forever.. Unfortunately, it is the hardest thing to hold on to, the easiest thing to lose, and the biggest life changing and self reflecting phenomenon you could experiernce."
Now the thing with true love, that bond between HiM* and her, takes time to grow and nurture. There's something that holds them together, a spark, a flame, an eternal bond.
Exactly one month ago, I wrote the "Happy Birthday" poem feeling more agony than I was feeling happiness. Having such a unique person in your life that you arent able to call your own. You see I'm in love with my bestfriend, and I dont think he understands that. You know those moments that take your breath away? Well around him I have to gasp for air, because everything about love is breath-taking.
12:12 AM

Loyalty

"You dont get the picture? the picture's in his wallet" -___-

Loyalty means devotion, dependent, and honest to one person or thing. Thats my favorite word and thats all I ask from every single person that crosses my path. Loyalty means to have my back, to tell me the truth at all times, and for things to be equal.

I hate to be lied to. I hate to be taken for a fool. I observe and I know. I seek and I find. Drunken minds speak sober thoughts and those drunken actions confirmed sober desires. I dont know what to feel. I want to let go, start over new, but Im terrified of losing the person I have loved the most. But is it really love? When another lies in your wallet, when things are not fair, when Im the one that stays up crying? Love isnt easy but love can not possibly be this, at least not genuine long lasting love. Im told that Im crazy, that my insecurities are the drug that cause me to hallucinate and to over-react. Tired of the bullshit? I just want the truth. All my questions answered all my doubts erased. And each day they burn brighter. I know my worth, but do you? that you choose to pick them over me? What happened to loyalty? I said that I would leave the past in the past and I remain silent. I hold it in, and grasp every single opportunity to take out my silent frustrations. That may not be the solution to our ultimate problem, but I keep my word, because when its all said and done ill know that I was Loyal. I kept my word, and I never lied. Sometimes I would rather be lied to, but when it comes to love, kill me with the truth.
8:19 PM
For once, Im speechless, at a loss for words, cant explain anything.
For once, I have fallen silent.
1:03 AM

Renewed broken Promise

"I may not be his first, his last, or his only. He's cared about someone else before me and possibly will again, but he cares for me now, and that's all that matters. I dont expect him to be perfect, because I know I'm flawed as well. And it's true, he may not think of me every second of everyday and I may not be the center of his universe but he gave me a part of him that he knows I can break. So I wont hurt him, or try to change him and I won't expect more than I know he can give.
My only promise is that I will smile when he makes me happy, yell when he makes me mad, miss him when he's not there, and love him like he'll never break my heart."
12:17 AM

Soulmate

The original roots of the concept go back to a belief in reincarnation. A soulmate is someone that you have encountered in many different life times and have loved many times. That’s why the first time you meet them in this lifetime you feel as if you have known them forever before you even knew their name. There is a mystical deja vu energy right from the start.[1]
One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them. Over countless reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate. [Wikipedia]
Each half is supposed to learn the life lessons at their own pace. When the two halves sometimes cross paths during various lifetimes, they have a cosmic powerful bond because they really are of the same soul. They complete each other. They are often very much alike, and the intensity of the connection is too much for a mere human with emotions and issues to handle, so they painfully end up parting ways. When they both finish their lessons, they are both reunited in heaven and come together as a beautiful representation of love and unity. This is also known as your twin flame.[1]
Loving a soulmate or twin flame is often difficult because we are not usually able to love and accept ourselves, so why would we be able to love the other half of our own soul? Soulmates can be deeply psychically connected with amazing love at first sight stories that end in magical happily ever after scenarios. Unfortunately, we are not usually evolved enough to handle something so intense as another person sharing our deepest soul level. Older souls that have many lifetimes of lessons and enlightenment under their belts have an easier time accepting such a deep connection with another person.[1]
From my readings, in recent times, the word soulmate has been used to describe a close companion or someone you get along well with. Either case, the true definition of the word lies in who and what you believe in.

My definition:
Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longing, our sense of direction. When we're two and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.


Source [1]: Full Article
12:14 AM

Random things from my FB Note

25 Random things Post:

1. i collect charm bracelets (when the cash flow allows)

2. I love Betsey Johnson & Juicy Couture

3. Mexican Food is God's heaven on earth

4. I am very very very sensitive.

5. Im a clown on the low low or with people im comfortable with

6. I secretly want to be a white sorority girl.

7. I MUST get all A's or else..

8. I have bad mood swings. (often)

9. I write alot, speaking isnt really successful on my part

10. My accent ANNOYS me.

11. I lived in DR till I was 5, hence #10

12. I had surgery done on my belly button, which is why it doesnt look like everyone elses, and i got it pierced to cover it, because it bothers me.

13. Im going to look into Ballroom Dancing at SU. lol

14. [inside joke]

15. I spend alot of time alone.

16. [inside joke]

17. I love the beach. its my 2nd favorite place in the world.

18. My soulmate is the most incredible person I have EVER met. i <3 him

19. VII is my life, my new favorite number, the best girls in the world. no comparison

20. i believe I have found the man Im goin to marry, although he opposes most of the time.

21. Valentines day is my favorite holiday, along with my birthday. I hate X-Mas.

22. Girls dont usually like me for some apparent reason. ::shrugs::

23. ESPN should hire me pronto!

24. [inside joke]

25. I have a stomach grumbling problem.
10:17 PM

Life with Superman

Life with Superman is alot more laid back than you think. Most days, we just cuddle in bed, watching countless hours of SportsCenter, Around the Horn, Jim Rome is Burning, Pardon the Interruption.. yea ESPN basically. He loves baseball (Arod mostly), and if it wasnt for the kryptonite that lies in his left eye, basketball would be his life. If not ESPN or MY personal hobby: eating =] we are probably laughing and having a great time- thats just what bestfriends do. His Lois Lane I truely am, because beside every great man stands a strong woman. He has superhuman* strength, whenever I needed him, he was there to hold my world on his shoulders and keep it from collapsing. I reflect on those hard times that he mysteriously made his presence felt, He really is faster than a speeding bullet, and stronger than a locomotive. Now sitting here, writing about all his superpowers is quite impossible, since he doesnt cease to amaze me daily, and with him, there is an eternal smile on my face, & that right there is the most amazing feat.


"If I wrote a book about where we stand,
then the title of my book would be life with Superman
that´s how you make me feel, I count you as a privilege
this love is so ideal, I´m honored to be in it, I know you feel
the same, I see it everyday, in all the things you do, and all the things you say"
- Roc_Beyonce
1:37 AM

Life is too short

The best things in life are shared with those you love. Think about it..the times you have laughed the hardest, had the most fun, ate the best dinners, lived the greatest moments,who was around you? Ponder let it sit, and then wonder how people go unappreciated in this world when they give us so much. So act right!

Little blog of the day lol <3

11:26 PM

In the master bedroom

That's where it all happened where it started and where it ended, you making love to me. Between the sheets we quickly laid; I emersed myself in you and never for one second held back. You took so much from me, my virginity, my innocence, my heart. It wasn't immediate but gradual is not the word. In a month you had my body and in 7 years my friendship and trust and in a short 3 my soul. It's crazy how other people walk in this bedroom and see pictures of us on the walls. Pictures of us happy and complete, but in the background of those pictures of all our years stand different women observing from a far and always having a small fraction of what I once thought was completely mine. But by deeply looking in those frames I clearly see the bigger picture and in it we stand apart. If sheets could speak they would tell the most beautiful love stories if my skin had a voice it would sing glorious harmonies of perfection, but now my eyes and ears must speak the truth they have long ignored and masked. No one is perfect but at one point in time you were. On the dresser stood the dried dead flowers of Feb the 12th, clearly something gone that I was constanly trying to preserve and a few days ago I threw them away because what they represented with them was also throw away. But I carry you around in the most sacred of places in my heart in my tears in my being. Truely my other half my perfect counterpart that no amount of time will ever be able to replace. Love is slowly fading and hopefully one day this love inside me shall die so our friendship can begin to live because both cannot coexist. Either way you were the first, when I whispered in your ear I love you,as I lay beneath your body, I let every ounce of my being fall within those words. You say I had the best of you but you had ALL of me and I now walk out of this bedroom and close the door behind me.
10:57 PM

::Life Update::

"Its called [the past] cause Im getting passed and I aint nothing like I was before, you oughta see me now. Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned...My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned" A. Keys

Home Sweet Home. Ahh feels good, but its a bittersweet feeling because there is a lot of Syracuse I miss. I wonder what the beautiful months of summer shall hold for a simple porcelain piece like me. I made my to - do list today and God-Willing it shall all be checked off by the time I head back to the 'Cuse. I cant help but to think about the future and what it holds. I hate that about myself, that I overanalyze everything. Always want to know absolutely everything about everything. Ugh -_- I really need to learn to live in the moment, because sometimes life just passes me by. Other than that, I have been all smiles, history seems to be slowly repeating itself. Haha who would of thought. Sigh* ::chessy smile:: some people just make things so much better. Hopefully I will be able to elaborate on that a little later. :-x
Im just so excited about life, ugh I wish I could put it into words. These past weeks I had an "I dont give a f*ck" attitude about everything, and that was a horrible way to feel, but Im back and better than ever, with a newly instilled passion and drive. I have so much to look forward to. In the fall, I will be a part of Creations Dance Company at Syracuse University, not only as a dancer but as Public Relations Chair, yes yes first year and already on the Executive board. Luck really is where preparation meets opportunity. and that is exhibit A. Second, I was selected to be a part of the Fashion and Beauty Communications Milestone, learning fashion;; enough said. Third, I will finally start my PR classes, which I have been dying to do, so I can land the perfect internship for next summer. Whoa, Im getting way ahead of myself here, lemme focus on the present. Summer 09, oh how I'll love you so, because with you good things shall come, this within my heart I know. 

1:01 PM

Reflection

Laughter is the medicine of the soul, so I'm basically immune to
despair. - Emmelie

College has got to be the best thing that happened to me after being
given life. I have met many new people some as close as family. No
one was replaced additions were just made. New bonds made, necessary ones broken, and old ones strengthened. In college I have lived the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Lost, found, and recreated myself. Found a passion for something new, felt a new responsibility to illicit social change, and learned the true meaning of loyalty. I've learned that I can't control everything around me but God granted me the serenity to have the courage to change what I can. I have observed and my intuition has not failed me. I have eyes to look past the exterior and into someone's heart. Extreme claim right? But real recognizes real. My character was tested, built, wrecked, and now I wipe off the ashes and look down. Because I have risen, I'm at the top of the hill, I have grown, I have been made a WOMAN.

2:53 AM

Escape

Your actions were like a pillow that smothered the voice of my emotions.
It was a rope that choked out the life of my passion.
Your words were bars that held me captive in my minds prison
and the pain that sliced through me
slowly let my sanity seep out.
Now a scar is forming, a scar that is healing,
I'm starting to breathe again
escaping the prison by silencing your cold hateful grasp.