Words that Matter

Your mind controls action, but your heart controls desires, so do what you love, and love what you do. <3

Happy Birthday

20 years ago, God made a man, 

a beautiful being, 

sometimes I doubt he is even human. 

Prideful strides, serious brown eyes.

I love to stare, even with that glaze of blue.

An ego that has been intricately instilled

yet a father to a nephew, selfless loving soul

the skin that rests beneath my hands 

feels like history, a story I was told.

And by loving and admiring, details unfold

and consume me. I memorized your anatomy.

This photographic memory of mine is filled

my gallery displays infinite portraits of you.

a writer puts pen to paper

expressing everything true

and you? You are my canvas for creativity

my opportunity to change the unknown

Hopefully 20 more years from now

I can reteach the greatness that to me

you have shown.

The Bell Jar

BellJar: noun -A cylindrical glass vessel with a rounded top and an open base, used to protect and display fragile objects.

Protect, Display, & Fragile.  Ponder on those words for a minute, and step into my bell jar. Feels different in here huh? Well there's no air, thats why you cant breathe, all of it has been vacuumed out. Dont worry, its not to suffocate you or anything, its just to preserve what is within. Everything is passing you by, surrounding you, and there is nothing you can do to engage yourself. Your efforts are unwelcomed anyway, pretty porcelain does not belong with human flesh. Now you must simply observe; you are out of touch with reality, cold glass separates you from others and the outside world. You must remain encased in the world your experiences, beliefs and actions have assembled. Yearning to be a part of something that doesn't and will never understand you, the cold glass protects you from being misunderstood. It puts you on display for the world to see, but you are untouchable to the smiling on looker. Tragic isnt it? Go ahead now, leave. Remove yourself from under this confinement. Fragile beauty must remain inside.

The trunk in the Attic

Fate: I truly and whole-heartedly believe in this phenomenon. Things can not just happen without there being a bigger picture, there's always a bigger picture, a master plan in nature that the human conscience is not always aware of. If there's a God, a higher power, some being who is responsible for our existence, then there must be a source of guidance, a kind of spiritual mapquest for life, if you will. 

You can take different paths, your actions affecting how simply or with how much difficulty you will reach your destination. Sometimes you take the long way: and go through many mistakes, doubts, and trouble before finally reaching "it." Sometimes you are surrounded by good people and make the right decisions that allow you to reach your goal faster and with ease. But the destination, the goal, "it" will always remain constant. 

After proofreading this I begin to contemplate whether I truly do believe in fate itself, or the illusion of hope that it helps to create. The idea of "what's meant to be will be" and anticipating more twists and turns on the road that will lead to a happy ending. While I breathe, I shall forever hope, because whether accurate or not, its the optimism that keeps me going. I thrive from it. Fate is like a trunk in the attic, hidden and unseen, but there, holding everything I hope to preserve. You can name it Pandora's box, because after everything is gone or replaced, I'll always have hope.

(Photo Credit: Google Images mdhistory.net/.../msa_ sc_5807_01/html/attic.jpeg)

Love Affair

"This year I wished for love, to emerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted and if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy, cause I wouldn't give it back for anything in the world." --One Tree Hill

I keep trying to let go, because by reality's standards, we will never be perfect, but I want to live this fantasy, because with you I feel perfected, and I like the beauty of someone like you, loving someone like me. Is it possible to forgive and forget? What lies in the past stays in the past, but moving forward does not mean the pain has stopped hurting, the wound being covered doesn't mean it has healed, and the scar will always remain to remind. Forgiving is possible but forgetting is out of ones grasp. You have no control of what seeps into your mind at unexpected times or the hurt that constrains your heart as it tries to beat. You can only control the way you react, whether you accept and understand, or analyze and assume. There will never be an exact explanation for another's behavior, never be an exact definition of the love that is shared, but consistently punishing one another defines spite and explains immaturity. An eye for an eye would leave everyone blind. Ask yourself if its possible to truely love unconditionally. If it is possible to love more than you love yourself, and you will see the answer is clear. To fall in love is to agree to change, not only habits and interests but outlooks and beliefs. Not necessarily changing who you are but who you are capable of becoming. They say not to compromise yourself, but isnt love compromise? Is not giving all of yourself to someone what makes love worthwhile? Real love is love you feel in your soul, the one that awakens passion to thrive and optimism to grow. Change is necessary and vital. Lasting relationships are ones in which a complimentary pair matures together and sponsors eachother's growth. I can not define love as anything other than a perfect fit, and although the pieces may not always fit together, you know that you are solving the right puzzle. 

Song of the Day: Broken -Hearted Girl - Beyonce

The Window

You can’t possibly know me, because no one does, not even me. When you think you have yourself all figured out, something drastic happens, and it changes you. None of you realize that I have changed so much right before your eyes. Nevertheless, its better if no one knows me, because everyone who knew everything about me, at some point, somehow, tried to break me down. Ill let you take a peek through the window, observe from the outside what lies within and maybe, after I sense your loyalty, I'll let you in my front door. 

Dreams

LITTLE GIRLS WITH DREAMS TURN INTO WOMEN WITH ASPIRATIONS

life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people that treat you right, forget about the ones that don't and believe in fate, because everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance TO DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE, take it, and if it happens to change your life,THEN let it, BECAUSE SOmetimes no matter how hard you try to avoid something, it happens, and sometimes no matter how much you try to protect yourself you end up more vulnerable that you ever been. YOUR CHILDHOOD DREAMS ARE NOT JUST FANTASIES, AND THEY ARE NEVER OUT OF YOUR REACH. eVERYTHING DEPENDS ON HOW FAR YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE IT, HOW MUCH YOU ARE WILLING TO SACRIFICE AND HOW MUCH YOU ARE WILLING TO LOSE.

Twitter: My new procrastination tool (llshesadollll).  and no one explains things better than diddy.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81UZgJAkRik

Photo Credit: Arnold Jean Rodriguez (personal friend)

Warning:: Highly Emotional Female ::

Maybe you should know something about the Doll.

Lists are the key to organization & I utilize them well.

Below lie lists of what's important to me, who I am, and what I believe

& oh yea, I don't go past seven.

--Rules & Regulations--

I. Deviate from the Norm.

II. Love without Fear

III. Fly with your own Wings-->

IV. Elicit Social Change

V. Make others laugh

VI. Be passionate

VII. Loyalty is rewarded

VII.

Bestfriends

Favorite number

Tattoo

Deadly Sins

Perfection

Completion

July <3

1Education

2.Dance

3.Fashion

4.Love

5.Success

6.Music

7.Culture

Material Girl::

Betsey Johnson, DVF, Jason Wu

Charm bracelets, flowers, and bows

Surprises

Snakes and Owls

Pink and Gold

Iphone, ipod, Macbook

Mexican Food

Soaring Contemplation

And as she sat on a plane cruising towards more pleasant breezes, she couldn’t help but consider the life that lay ahead, and if it would satisfy her expectations and hopes. Would it be traveling to see the world like she longed to do, or would she be reduced to living a simple existence?  She is filled with anticipation, hope, and excitement, yet a terrible fear of failure. But she continues to smile at the thought, knowing she will not fail, she will not lose, and she knows it. Her thoughts then begin to settle on her friends: the few true and amazing ones she has fallen in love with.  And of course her flow of thoughts are interrupted by HiM*. What would become of them? Someone she had always known and appreciated. She can bear another heartbreak, but would rather not. Why is it that a woman’s life is consumed by love? Love of herself, her loved ones, and sometimes primarily her lover? An arrangement that varies so much, and consumes the mind, heart, and soul, but why? And should it? She now sits back, relaxes, and waits for the complimentary snacks and beverages offered, trying to forget about the questions she can not yet answer.